Pleasure Your Women To The Max **Oral Sex Guide For eXtreme Orgasms

THE PREMISE of this book is simple: when it comes to pleasuring women and conversing in the language of love, cunnilingus should be every man’s native tongue. As bestselling sex author Lou Paget has written, “Ask most women, and if they’re being honest, they will admit that what makes them hottest and come hardest is when a man can use his tongue well.”
But as with any language, in order to express yourself fluently, in order to make your subject sing and soar, you must be thoroughly acquainted with the rules of grammar and style. One of my favorite books on the subject is the indispensable classic Elements of Style. I don’t think I would have made it through freshman comp, or survived college as an English major, without that slim, dog-eared paperback tucked away in my back pocket. In the able hands of authors Strunk and White, grammar was not simply made understandable and meaningful—it was made beautiful.

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Elements of Style exhorted readers to “write boldly and make definite assertions.” And in the spirit of that timeless classic, She Comes First will condense a wealth of experience and expertise into a simple, essential rule book; it will elaborate on the principles and philosophy that underlie those rules and, in doing so, offer nothing less than the definitive guide to the grammar of oral sex. If you want to learn how to give a woman mind-blowing, body-rippling orgasms with your tongue every time, this is the book for you.
Although I have a Ph.D. in clinical sexology, this book is principally written from a practitioner’s perspective; by someone who knows and loves cunnilingus, appreciates its role in stimulating female sexual response, and has developed a methodology for consistently leading women to orgasm: one that stems from the conviction that cunnilingus is much more than just a sexual activity, but rather the centerpiece of a philosophy of sexual contentment. Call it the “way of the tongue.
But don’t get me wrong: I’m not some Casanova or Don Juan, vainly putting words down on paper in order to boast and strut—far from it. Through much of my life I’ve suffered terribly from sexual dysfunction, and I know all too well the humiliation, anxiety, and despair of not being able to satisfy a woman. If anything, this book was written in the sincere hope that other men might develop effective “sexual habits”—ones that will enable them, along with their partners, to suffer less than I have, or perhaps not at all. As Tennessee Williams wrote of the marriage bed in his play Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, “When a marriage goes on the rocks, the rocks are there, right there!” Well, here’s to getting rid of the rocks and smoothing out the sheets.
My initial forays into oral sex were a crutch, a way of compensating for my sexual inadequacies, and they were approached with the assumption that cunnilingus was a poor man’s second to the joys and splendors of “real sex”—like many, I took it for granted that intercourse was the “right way” for couples to experience orgasms. But, to my surprise, I discovered that the “way of the tongue” was by

no means inferior to intercourse; if anything, it was superior, in many cases the only way in which women were able to receive the persistent, rhythmic stimulation, outside of masturbation, necessary to achieve an orgasm. I quickly learned that oral sex is real sex, and later in life, when I happened to come across a copy of the seminal Hite Report on Female Sexuality, I was reassured to find that women consider oral sex to be “one of their most favorite and exciting activities; women mentioned over and over how much they loved it.” When it comes to pleasure, there is no right or wrong way to have an orgasm—the only thing that’s wrong is to assume that women need or value them any less than men do.
In her article “Just Be a Man: Six Simple Suggestions,” sex columnist Amy Sohn’s very first piece of advice is, “A man goes down. No excuses. No hesitation.”
But once down there, what’s a man to do? The vast majority of women complain about guys who don’t like to do it, don’t know how to do it, or simply don’t do it nearly enough. Flannery O’Connor was right: a good man is hard to find, especially one who’s good at taking a leisurely stroll downtown. But once found, a skilled cunnilinguist rarely goes unappreciated. In her essay “Lip Service: On Being a Cunning Linguist,” author and sex columnist Anka Radakovich sings the praises of a boyfriend who specialized in oral sex: “I became tongue-whipped (the female equivalent of pussy-whipped) and even offered to do his laundry if he would come over and satisfy me. After two months, I put a framed photo of his tongue on my desk.”
It’s time to “think outside her box.” When it comes to the oral caress, every man should make a mantra of Rhett Butler’s infamous line to Scarlett O’Hara in Gone with the Wind: “You should be kissed, and often, and by someone who knows how.”
Those who know me know I’m a private person. I wouldn’t dream of confiding my battles with sexual dysfunction to the world if I didn’t wholeheartedly believe that there was a compelling need for this book. I know this based on what I’ve read, what I’ve been told, and, most important, what I’ve experienced firsthand as a clinical

sexologist: not only do women crave and enjoy cunnilingus; they require it. Any sex therapist will tell you that the number one complaint they hear over and over from women is of an inability to experience orgasm during penis-vagina intercourse. The solution is not simply “more foreplay,” as magazines often chide us, but rather the skillful extension of those activities we associate with foreplay, namely oral stimulation, into complete, fully realized acts of lovemaking—the transformation of foreplay into nothing less than core-play.
This book is not anti-intercourse, but rather pro-”outercourse”— a conception of sex that goes beyond penetration, embraces mutual pleasure, and is better suited to stimulating the female sexual anatomy to orgasm. This model doesn’t exclude intercourse, but instead promotes the postponement of male gratification until after a woman has achieved her first (but hopefully not last) orgasm during a session of sexual activity—a deferment that has the double benefit of vouchsafing female satisfaction while also significantly enhancing the quality of the male climax. This book espouses the postponement of gratification, not the postponement of enjoyment.
She Comes First offers men and women a surefire “bird in the hand” approach to good sex, as opposed to the high-stakes “all or nothing” proposition of intercourse. It’s time to close the sex gap and create a level playing field in the exchange of pleasure, and cunnilingus is far more than just a means for achieving this noble end; it’s the cornerstone of a new sexual paradigm, one that exuberantly extols a shared experience of pleasure, intimacy, respect and contentment. It’s also one of the greatest gifts of love a man can bestow upon a woman.

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